Funny story

This is a funny story I got in my email the other day...


A Charlotte, North Carolina lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in a series of small fires. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.The lawyer sued ... and WON! (Stay with me here.)In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."NOW FOR THE BEST PART...After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Try try again

Well, I tried 3 times to upload some pictures of Jay's birthday, etc. but I couldn't get it to work. I'm sick of trying, so I'm giving up for now and I'll try again later today or tomorrow.

This is pretty funny ...

Funny Prank

Ryan called me yesterday with a funny prank idea. The plan was for him to set up a phony email account and send Britton an email with his LSAT "results." The funny part is that according to the email, Britton only scored a 151 (which is pretty bad in case you were wondering). So I dug through my hotmail inbox and found my LSAT results email and forwarded it to Ryan. He changed the name, date, and score but kept the rest the same to make it look legitimate. Here is the result:

Dear BRITTON BUTTERFIELD,

Your September 30, 2006 LSAT score is 151. The percentile rank is 46.A copy of your LSAT Score Report will be available in the LSAT section of the MY DOCS folder in your Online Services account at www.lsac.org. Other test related documents (in accordance with LSAC disclosure policies) may also be available in the folder.Note: The note below applies only to those who took a make up administration due to inclement weather on September 30.If you took a make up test administration due to inclement weather, although your September score report shows the test date as September 30, 2006, please be assured that the score reflected is the score earned at your make up administration date. Since, make up tests are non disclosed, your score report shows only your LSAT score and percentile. You will not receive your answers, the credited answers, a copy of your answer sheet, or the score conversion table from the make up administration.Law School Admission Council

THIS IS A CRUEL JOKE BROUGHT TO YOU BY RYAN & CHAD

Playoff baseball

Playoff baseball just might be my favorite sporting event of the year. Especially when the Mets (2-0) are playing. In other news, I now have 4165 songs on my ipod and counting.

Jay's new trick

Well, Jay can now climb out of his crib. Yesterday when Lindsay put him down for a nap he started crying, and she said she could hear him grunting for a minute, and all of a sudden he came running into our bedroom. She put him back in the crib, but he was out by the time she had left his room! Needless to say, he didn't take a nap yesterday. It was kind of nice this morning though, usually he cries until I get him out of bed, but this morning he just came running into our room. I'll try to get a picture of him climbing out. It's really funny.

Some cool Jay pictures

1. Song that always makes you sad? Anything country (because it is so painful to listen to).

2. Last thing you bought? Sierra Mist and a Snickers

3. Last person you argued with? Jay

4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on? No

5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? Don't remember. I remember all of my pets' names though.

6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd? I own Stunt.

7. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

8. Favorite Sundae topping? Chocolate

9. Did you take Piano lessons? Yes

10. Most frequent song played? Moonlight Sonata

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? WWE

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Basketball

13. Date someone older or younger? I date Lindsay and she is 4 1/2 years younger

14. One place you could travel to right now? I would like to return to Sri Lanka some day.

15. Do you use umbrellas? I did in Singapore and in New Jersey, but it doesn't rain in Las Vegas

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? Canadia is a nation?

17. Favorite Cheese? I like Brie

18. The Smith's or the Cure? Depends on when you ask me. I like them both pretty well.

19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes? I like fake blondes (Lindsay)

20. Best job you ever had? I liked my job this summer.

21. did you go to your high school prom? Yes

22. perfect time to wake up? Whenever Jay wakes me up

23. perfect time to go to bed? Depends. What's on TV?

24. do you use your queen right away in chess? No

25. Ever been in a car accident? Yes

26. closer to mom or dad...or neither? Both sounds better than neither.

27. what age is this exciting life over for you? I prefer not to think about that.

18. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? 60's.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? Nike Air Force III (signed by Blue Edwards)

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? I have a Grateful Dead shirt I bought in Jackson Hole that I will never give up. I also have some Polo shirts that I still wear occasionally.

31. Were you in track and field and if so what events? I ran the 600 yard dash in 5th grade and was pretty good at it. But everyone had to run it so it wasn't really by choice.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show? No, but I was in a few roadshows as a kid.

33. Have you ever written in a library book? Peepees and weewees.

34. Allergic to? Seasonal allergies, watermelon, raw carrots, some fruits.

35. Favorite fruit? Mangosteen

36. Have you watched sex and the city? Nope

37. Baseball hat or toque? Baseball hat

38. Do you use shampoo first in the shower or soap? Always soap first.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? Wet

40. Pen or pencil? Pen

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Of course

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? No

43. Have you thrown up in a car? No

44. Have you thrown up at work? No

45. Do you scream on roller coasters? I'm sure I have before

46. Who was your first prom date? I prefer not to list other people's names on the internet.

47. Who was your first roommate? Chris Romero

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? N/A

49. What was your first job? Paper route

50. What was your first car? Probe. First car I bought was a Ranger

51. When did you go to your first funeral? Don't remember. I remember going to some funerals when mom would play piano for grandpa

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 12

53. Who was your first grade teacher? Miss Warwood

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Oklahoma

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? Don't remember

56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? Jason Rindlisbacher. I haven't seen him since his farewell, but I can still spell his name.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? Logan

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? I don't have many bad days, but I would probably call lindsay.

59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Ryan's wedding (best man)

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Get Jay out of bed, or try to con lindsay into getting him

61. What was the first concert you attended? I think the Beach boys

62. First tattoo or piercing? Ear (for like 2 days)

63. First celebrity crush? Elizabeth Shue on Karate Kid

More Super Dell Madness

From today's Deseret Morning News:


Schanze gets a fine, probation
'Super Dell' ordered to stay on good behavior for a year
By Linda ThomsonDeseret Morning News

WEST JORDAN — A judge has sentenced Dell Buck Schanze, the former computer mogul of "Super Dell" TV commercial fame, to pay a fine and stay on good behavior on probation for 12 months for misdemeanor counts of speeding and making a false written statement to police.

Third District Judge Royal Hansen on Wednesday suspended a 180-day jail sentence, imposed a $285 fine, charged $207 for the speeding citation and ordered Schanze to take a "cognitive restructuring course," which assists people in learning how to detect errors in their thinking. Defense attorney Michael Bassett said Schanze already had taken that course at Sandy Counseling after being directed to by Sandy Municipal Court in connection with a separate misdemeanor paraglider incident. Hansen said if he receives paperwork indicating the course has been completed, he'll consider that as possibly satisfying the requirements of his sentence. A smiling, denim-clad Schanze spoke at length in rapid-fire fashion telling the judge a class regarding "thinking errors" was unnecessary and could give a bad impression via the media. "Why in the world would you want to change the thinking of a self-made millionaire who's lectured at almost every college in the state?" he asked. "Yes, I'm exuberant and outgoing and a positive thinker. I'm extremely mentally stable, and I'm not one who would be a danger to society." "I appreciate your input, Mr. Schanze," the judge said, adding that Schanze has the right to appeal if he chooses. Prosecutor Chris Bown said he does not think Schanze is a bad person but said he is dangerous because he thinks the rules that apply to others do not apply to him. Bown said Schanze has shown no remorse in this case and twice has paraglided into situations in Draper that caused problems — once when police were trying to deal with a suicidal man armed with a gun and once when firefighters were fighting a blaze and Schanze tried to get the heat updraft for his aircraft.

Outside the courtroom, Schanze denounced the prosecutor as "a loser," said the judge was trying to be politically correct, and stated news reporters — who are "swayed by Satan" — were spreading lies that destroyed his computer business and poisoned the jury against him. He called on reporters to repent and said he'd work with anyone who wanted guidance. "If I was a really bad guy, would any of these news reporters be alive?" Schanze asked. "Ask yourself that question. You know you all have the ability to repent because of the grace of God, but you are still alive to do it, because of the grace of Super Dell." He said he was sorry for speeding but insisted he did not mislead the police. A jury in May acquitted Schanze, 36, of threatening or using a dangerous weapon, a class A misdemeanor, in connection with an incident in which some angry Draper residents followed him from their neighborhood, where they said he had been speeding, to a hang-gliding park. They berated Schanze and one picked up a rock and threatened to break the tail lights of Schanze's Jaguar. Schanze, who had his 8-year-old daughter with him, said he took out a gun for which he has a concealed weapons permit and held it behind his leg for protection, then put it away. However, the jury was not convinced Schanze told the truth in a report to police and convicted him of the class B misdemeanor written false statement charge. Schanze pleaded guilty to speeding charge before the trial started.

Joke of the day

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Joke and word of the day

The word of the day is "beenpee."

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?""I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

Joke of the day

Apologies to anyone offended by the language in this joke, but I think the original language makes it funnier.

Four surgeons are having a coffee after performing surgery. "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered." says the first. "I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered." The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are colour coded." The fourth one said, ""I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable."

You want me to do what???

I had a good laugh when I received this research assignment today. This is a direct quote:

"Please determine under Nevada law whether it is illegal to marry your cousin. No, really, that's what we need to confirm."

In case any of you are wondering, it is illegal to marry your cousin, but you can marry your second or half cousin without a problem.

The word of the day is...

Agee. Guess that one smartguys.

Today's word

These are a couple of my favorite recent pictures of Jay. Today's word has two meanings, and the word is: peepee

A few good quotes

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week , I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.-- Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can 't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. -- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. -- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.-- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Ro gers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation . as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal

Today's word ...

aiuhyu. Try to figure that one out. I tried to spell it as phonetically as possible.

Today's word is...

Po. Post your guesses.

In other news, we have bought a potty chair for Jay and are starting to potty train him. He does a pretty good job of peeing in the potty chair when we sit him down on it (in fact he goes almost every time) but we haven't gotten to the point where he would know to do it on his own. He still hasn't pooped in the potty chair yet, but a couple of days ago while Lindsay was letting him run around without a diaper trying to "train" him, he pooped all over the carpet. It was pretty bad. So, we cleaned it up and went to the store and bought some carpet cleaner for pet "accidents." You wouldn't even know he ever went! Plus, it was in his own room, so even if it left a stain or a smell at least it wouldn't have been in our room.

GO France!

Jay's word of the day

Jay's word of the day is... "mooomie." Your job is to post in the comments what you think he is trying to say.

Explanation

Ok, I know that all of you only check my blog to see new pictures of Jay. The problem right now is that I don't have the internet at home, and I don't use my laptop at work. About the only chance I have to post is while I am at work, so it's tough to post any pictures. As a consolation I will describe the latest picture I took of Jay. To provide some background, he fell last friday or saturday and has a little black eye. I laugh every time I look at him because it totally fits his personality. I wanted to get a picture of him with his black eye before it goes away, so I took one of him a couple of days ago when he was taking a bath. I still need to download it to my laptop, and when I do I'll use the internet at the library to post it for everyone to see.

I think I'll start posting some of Jay's "words" as well. Today's entry is "appo pice." Lindsay said he was saying that at the store yesterday and she couldn't understand what he was talking about. (In case you don't know, appo in Jay speak means apple). Anyway, she got home and he was playing in the cupboard taking out all of the food, and he pulled out the applesauce Lindsay had bought at the store that day, and he started saying "appo pice." So in case you couldn't figure it out on your own, in Jay speak, "appo pice" clearly means apple sauce.

Good News!!!

Lindsay just called and told me I got the acceptance letter from UNLV to attend the law school as a visiting student this coming year. That is a welcome relief!

Attorney Retreat

Last weekend was the attorney retreat held at the Ritz Carlton Lake Las Vegas. On Saturday morning, 16 of us played golf at "The Falls" which is one of the two courses at the resort. I am sure it was the most expensive course I have ever played. I basically played like crap the first 6 holes, but I was able to find a groove and played a little better the rest of the holes. I think I shot par on about 5 of the 18 holes, which is pretty good for me. Especially considering this is a pretty challenging course. I also won the contest for "closest to the pin" and won a $100 gift card to Golf Galaxy. I placed 3rd in the "longest drive" contest at about 300 yards, but the winner smoked us all with a 370 yard drive. The course was beautiful, and set on the east side of the valley. The back 9 rose about 500 feet in elevation, so there were some cool views of the strip and downtown. We also saw 4 bighorn rams about 100 feet from us. I think that was the first time I have ever seen them in person, and that was cool. After golf, I picked Lindsay up and we checked into the hotel. It is a 5 star, 5 diamond resort, and was beautiful. Later that evening we had a cocktail hour followed by dinner and dessert. The next morning we had a brunch and then we checked out and went home. I had a fun experience when I was checking out. Lindsay and I were walking toward the registration desk, and someone called out my first name. I looked up and it was a guy from Sri Lanka who was our branch mission leader. He had been baptized shortly before I transferred there, and he served a mission in SLC right after I returned home. After his mission he went to BYU-Hawaii and studied hotel something or other. He married a Utah girl, has a 19 month old son, and has been living in LV for about 7 months working for the Ritz. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and it will be fun to hang out.

Running Fool

I have become a running fool. I started running last saturday, and except for sunday I have run every day since. I get up at about 5:50 a.m. to try to beat the heat and I have been running about 2 3/4 miles each day. As soon as I start losing a little weight I will up that to 3 or 3 1/2 miles/day. Apparently there is a marathon here in December, and while I am under no delusions that I will be running a marathon, they also have a half marathon that I would like to shoot for as a goal. In other news, we have had Lindsay's parents in town for the past few days and it has been fun to have them here. Especially because they spoiled us by buying us a new leather couch/loveseat/chair combo for our apartment. So when people come visit we now have places for people to sit, instead of just the lawn chair and the love sac.

Super Dell...

I saw this in today's Salt Lake Tribune and couldn't resist sharing it.

DRAPER - It's a bird. It's a plane. No. Could it have been Super Dell? And was he endangering the public? A prosecutor on Thursday charged former computer and guns pitchman "Super" Dell B. Schanze with disorderly conduct and creating a public nuisance in a May 24 outing with his ultralight aircraft. The charges were filed in Draper Justice Court. The disorderly conduct charge is an infraction that carries a fine but no jail time, while the public nuisance charge is a class B misdemeanor punishable by as much as six months in jail. Schanze did not return The Tribune's phone messages on Thursday. On the morning of May 24, Draper police responded to a report of an ultralight flying not far above Interstate 15 at about 12300 South. Draper police Sgt. Gerry Allred said one police officer saw the aircraft about even with a two-story building. Police received information suggesting Schanze was the pilot. "Numerous witness statements said he was so low they feared he was going to crash," Allred said Thursday. "The highway patrol says there were people driving by looking at the glider instead of watching the road." Allred said Schanze also risked crashing his ultralight into traffic or people in nearby businesses. There was one minor traffic accident on I-15 while the ultralight was near there, Allred said, but the Utah Highway Patrol determined the aircraft played no role in the wreck. Draper detectives attempted to interview Schanze, Allred said, but his attorney said an interview would occur only if Draper's mayor, City Council and city manager attended. Draper police said no. Schanze has said he plans on fighting the charges, which he "pretty much" knows will be dismissed. Draper City basically has "put out an execution order on me," Schanze has said. ncarlisle@sltrib.com

My job

I'm on my lunch break and I have a few minutes to post, so I thought I'd post a little something on what it is I do every day at my job. I would say about 70% of what I do every day is research legal issues for the attorneys. For example, an attorney might be writing a brief or drafting a motion, and he or she may need a case to support a legal position advanced in the document. This is where I come in. They will give me the issue to research and I look for cases that support our position. Sometimes the attorney will ask for a memo discussing the position, but most of the time they will just ask me to find the cases and hi-light the applicable text. I have also had some assignments where I will have to organize documents given to us from the client, or search through documents to find something in particular. That is pretty boring, but it is a lot easier to do knowing I am getting paid to do it. I have gotten to draft a few documents like interrogatories, requests for production of documents, a motion, an order, and a couple of memos. I have also gone to court a couple of times to watch oral arguments. That's fun because I just sit in the gallery and watch. It's funny, because I have been doing a lot of this stuff at school, and now I am getting paid to do it.

Viva Las Vegas

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog anymore after I took a break from posting, but I'll give an update just in case. (I could hear the faint chant of Post Post Post coming from somewhere. I'm not sure where, but it might have been from Phoenix). The move to Vegas has been a good one. Dad and I drove 46 hours in about 3 days to get here, and almost got swallowed up by a tornado in Kansas. Ok, it was just raining really hard, but I was worried about tornadoes. I started work 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I really like the firm I'm with. They take me out to eat about once/week, and in 10 days I get to go with the firm on the attorney retreat at the Ritz Carlton Lake Las Vegas. I get to bring a guest, so I decided to invite Lindsay. We didn't go anywhere for our anniversary so we figured this would be fun. The heat hasn't been too bad, most of the time in the high 90's, but a few days in the mid 80's were nice. It is supposed to break 100 tomorrow. Our apartment is pretty nice, except for a mild roach problem. I have bought about $30 worth of roach poison, traps, etc., so we're getting it under control. We love having visitors, and in about a week we'll have a couch for people to sit and sleep on. Well, I better get back to work. I'll try to post more often.

Funny story

I scared the crap out of Lindsay last night. I had been at the library studying for finals and came home about 30 minutes earlier than she was expecting me. When I opened the door to walk in our apartment I heard the water running and the radio playing (she was doing the dishes). I closed the door quietly and snuck up the stairs and hid around the corner from the kitchen. I could hear her singing along to the song and she had no idea I was home. My plan was to wait until she left the kitchen at which point I would jump out and scare her to death. I waited about five minutes and decided to call our home phone (which was about 2 feet from me on the other side of the wall). I dialed and let it ring once, and when she walked to the phone to answer it I jumped out and yelled at her. She jumped about 5 feet in the air, arms flailing, and she was screaming like a little girl. She kind of collapsed on the ground and was laughing, but I scared her so bad she was shaking for about 5 minutes. I was laughing about it the rest of the night.

Doppelganger

From Wikipedia.com:

A doppelgänger (help·info) is the ghostly double of a living person. The word doppelgänger is adapted from German doppel, meaning "double", and gänger, translated as "goer" (though in this context, the meaning is closer to "walker"). The term has, in the vernacular, come to refer to any double or look-alike of a person, most commonly in reference to a so-called evil twin, or to bilocation.
Alternatively, the word is used to describe a phenomenon where you catch your own image out of the corner of your eye. In some mythologies, seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death. A doppelgänger seen by friends or relatives of a person may sometimes bring bad luck, or indicate an approaching illness or health problem.

Famous reports of the Doppelgänger phenomenon

Emilie Sagée was a schoolteacher in the nineteenth century whose Doppelgänger's public appearances were recorded by Robert Dale Owen after being reported to him by Julie von Güldenstubbe.
Guy de Maupassant recorded his own Doppelgänger experiences in his story Lui.
Percy Bysshe Shelley claimed to have met his Doppelgänger foreboding his own death.
John Donne, the English metaphysical poet, apparently met his wife's Doppelgänger in Paris, foreboding the death of his yet unborn daughter.
Abraham Lincoln told his wife, while shaving after his election as president, that he saw an image of himself in the distance fade away while shaving in front of a mirror. He believed this to mean he would be elected to a second term but would not survive.

Emilie Sagée
Robert Dale Owen was responsible for writing down the singular case of Emilie Sagée. He was told this anecdote by Julie von Güldenstubbe, a Latvian aristocrat. Von Güldenstubbe reported that in the year 1845–46, at the age of 13, she witnessed, along with audiences of between 13 and 42 children, her 32-year-old French teacher Sagée bilocate, in broad daylight, inside her school (Pensionat von Neuwelcke). The actions of Sagée's Doppelgänger included:
Mimicking writing and eating, but with nothing in its hands.
Moving independently of Sagée, and remaining motionless while she moved.
Appearing to be in full health while Sagée was badly ill.
Apparently also, the Doppelgänger exerted resistance to the touch, but was non-physical (two girls passed through the Doppelgänger's body).

The word of the day is...

Doppelganger. Without looking it up, post a comment with the definition, or your best guess of the definition. I'll post the real definition tomorrow.

How smart are you

Ok smartguys, take this test and post your score in the comments. I scored 100% so it must be pretty easy.

Sad day

Saturday was a sad day. I picked up my 6 pairs of "fat pants" from the tailor. The sad thing is that these pants weren't always "fat pants." Once upon a time they were "skinny pants" and "just a little overweight pants." Regardless of their original status, after having the waist taken out 3 inces they are now officially "fat pants." Saturday was a sad day because I officially accepted the fact that I am fat. I used to be able to joke about being fat, but there was always a small part of me that didn't believe it. Every time I went to my closet and saw my "skinny pants" and "just a little overweight pants" I could force myself not to believe I was fat. That all ended on Saturday. From now on when I go to my closet, all I will see are my "fat pants." Yes, Saturday was a sad day.

Easter Pictures

As promised, here are some pictures from our trip to New York.

Happy Easter!!!

As some of you may know, our friend Rachel (from law school) invited us to spend Easter with her family in Long Island NY. We had a great time and were sad to have to return home this morning (at 5:30 a.m.!!). The highlight of the weekend for me was on Saturday when I got to go to the Mets - Brewers game at Shea Staduim with Rachel's brother and his friends. I'm sure Jeff and Kyle are thinking "Shea is nothing compared to Fenway" and dad is thinking "Wrigley is better than them all), but for a long-suffering Mets fan it was a great experience to see a game there. They are building a new stadium that is scheduled to open for the 2009 season, so this was most likely the only time I will have the chance to see a game at Shea. Unfortunately the Mets decided to stink up the joint and lost 8-2 but they still have the best record in baseball at 9-2 and they lead the NL East by 4 games over the Braves, so for now I'm a happy guy. Jay had a blast. We took him to the beach on Saturday evening and he kept trying to break free of us and run into the water. He loves throwing rocks into the water and he got sand all over himself. We got him a little Easter basket and he ate enough candy yesterday to stunt his growth a little. Rachel's family was great. They were so welcoming and down to earth and we felt right at home. I didn't have time to download the pictures to my computer so I'll have to do that tonight and I'll post them tomorrow.

And I thought my $50 phone bill was high

Here's a funny story I found on MSNBC.com:

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A Malaysian man said he nearly fainted when he received a U.S. $218 trillion phone bill and was ordered to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution, a newspaper reported Monday.
Yahaya Wahab said he disconnected his late father's phone line in January after he died and settled the 84-ringgit (U.S. $23) bill, the New Straits Times reported.
But Telekom Malaysia later sent him a 806,400,000,000,000.01-ringgit (U.S. $218 trillion) bill for recent telephone calls along with orders to settle within 10 days or face legal proceedings, the newspaper reported.
It wasn't clear whether the bill was a mistake, or if Yahaya's father's phone line was used illegally after his death.
"If the company wants to seek legal action as mentioned in the letter, I'm ready to face it," the paper quoted Yahaya as saying. "In fact, I can't wait to face it," he said.
Yahaya, from northern Kedah state, received a notice from the company's debt-collection agency in early April, the paper said. Yahaya said he nearly fainted when he saw the new bill.
Government-linked Telekom Malaysia Bhd. is the country's largest telecommunications company.
A company official, who declined to be identified as she was not authorized to speak to the media, said Telekom Malaysia was aware of Yahaya's case and would address it. She did not provide further details.

In other news, Miss Cleo has retired from her job as a phone psychic.

A day at the park

These pictures are from last Friday. The weather was so nice that we decided to take Jay to the park and have a fun time. He loves being outside, and loves running around and chasing after birds, other kids, squirrels, and anything else he can see. He is such a rascal, but we love having him around and he is just getting more and more fun as he is growing into a little boy.

Lost

For those who love Lost, here is a link with a pretty clear shot of the writing on the blast door in the hatch from last week's episode. It might show up small, but in the bottom right hand corner there is a button that you can click to expand it so you can see the details and read the writing.

Viva Las Vegas!!!

Well, I'm just sitting here listening to the Foo Fighters and I thought I'd give everyone an update on my upcoming move to Fabulous Las Vegas. My last final is on May 5th, so I'll pack the moving truck on the 6th, drop off Lindsay and Jay for their flight and pick up dad at the airport on the 7th, and drive away on the 8th. If the move is anything like it was when we drove out here, it should take about 2 1/2 days, so we should arrive in Las Vegas on the 11th. I contacted the firm I'll be working for and told them I plan on starting on the 15th and they said that would be cool. As far as my plan to finish my 3rd year at the UNLV Boyd School of Law, I had to petition my school for permission to leave, and they graciously granted my request, as long as the classes I take don't overlap with classes I have already taken. I called UNLV and spoke to a nice lady in admissions, and she told me to send in my application anytime. As long as they have available space it should be no problem. Either way, they get my $50 application fee. I am also in the process of applying for my apartment in Las Vegas, and should have that sent out today. Luckily they have 2 bedroom apartments available. So things are progressing nicely, and we are getting excited for the move. It's kind of funny, because this is what I have been working toward for the past 2 years, so the fact that it is only a month away is kind of crazy to think about. In other news, I'm happy to report that the Mets won their opening day game 3-2 over the Washington Nationals. It looks like they finally have a solid bullpen, and an awesome closer, so here's to hoping they can finally knock the Braves off the top of the division so I can finally have bragging rights over Troy and his good buddy Larry (aka Chipper) Jones.

Jay in 30 years?

In response to Jefff's comment about Jay and Elton John, I decided to post a couple of pictures of Elton to compare with Jay's pictures. Funny, last week he looked like Super Dell, and this week he looks like Elton John. The boy is changing so fast I can't believe it! Anyway have a good laugh.

Sunglasses

Well, it looks like this blog has turned into pictures of Jay and lawyer jokes with a recipe mixed in occasionally. I'd write about more, but my life is so routine right now that I just don't have much to write about. So until something exciting happens in my life this is what you can expect from my blog. That being said, here are a few funny pictures of Jay and his new sunglasses.

Joke of the day

An affluent lawyer is riding in his Lexus when he looks out the window and sees a man in disheveled clothing on all fours on the ground. The lawyer slows down to get a better look at the poor guy, who appears to be eating grass. He stops his Lexus and rolls down the window. "Excuse me, buddy," shouts the lawyer out his window. "What's going on?" The poor guy looks up, and through a mouthful, he says, "Nothing much, sir. I'm just eating grass." "Why?" inquires the lawyer. "Well, you see, sir, I'm too poor to afford any food. All I have to eat is this grass," says the man. "My Goodness!" exclaims the attorney. "That's horrible. You must come with my back to my house." "But I have a wife and three kids," explains the unfortunate man. "That's no problem," says the attorney. "Bring them all along. I am sensitive to even the slightest human suffering." The poor man jumps up and runs to fetch his wife and kids. The lawyer waits as the poor man ushers his family into the lawyer's Lexus. With the whole family in his car, the lawyer peels out. "We appreciate your kindness, sir," offers the poor man's wife. "You guys are going to love it at my place," the lawyer says. "The grass is a foot tall!"

Warshington DC

We had a fun time in DC. Well, except for losing my voice and having an attack of the Montezumas in the National Archives, but other than that it was fun. Here are a few pictures to prove we were really there.







And here are a couple of new photos of the star of my blog -- Jay.

More Jay!

Back by popular demand

Totally Awesome!!!

Well, it looks like Totally Awesome Computers!!! is closing its doors. Below are a couple of "Totally Awesome!!!" quotes from "Super Dell" himself regarding the closing of his business:

"It's too bad that all of the media in Utah are liars and murderers," he said. "You just destroyed the greatest computer company of all time. We were the best in the world, the world champion. All this hatred was created by you. You're basically angels of Satan. All I can say to the people in Utah is, please pray for all the news people."

"Totally Awesome Computers is going out of business. Yes, thanks to all of you. Which is too bad."

This next quote is my favorite (although it's hard to top the "angles of Satan" quote above). I found it in an interview "Super Dell" gave in 2000.

TH: Final question: What do you want to be when you grow up?

SUPERDELL paraphrased: I want to be a Supreme Ruler! In a few years, I want to have the biggest company in the world, where Bill Gates works for me, and Dell, Micron and Gateway sell out to me for $1.

Another funny exchange I found on www.ericsnyder.com:

"A few months ago, I said the guy on the Totally Awesome Computer commercials was so annoying, I would sooner smash him in the head with a computer than buy one from him. This resulted in an exchange of e-mails with the guy himself -- Superdell, he's called -- which included him sending me approximately 1,000,000 pages of positive feedback he'd received from satisfied customers who apparently bought a computer from him AND hit him in the head with it (I don't see how else they could have been 100-percent satisfied). I told him if he did lots of business, fine, but as for me, his commercials annoy me to the point of wanting nothing to do with Totally Awesome Computers. That's when the friendly stopped. He wrote (and this is just how I received it):

'I can't believe someone educated to your level would have such a weak mind! Why would you not want to save $100, get a better computer and better service simply because your emotions are stronger than your common sense. I don't care if you are a total [vulgar expression], I would buy from you if you had the better deal. ... Suggesting that people should get all emotional, and boycott a product is unwise. You should be charged with malpractice ['cause I'm a doctor, you know] or fired for having such a ridiculous opinion! [If columnists got fired every time they had a ridiculous opinion, would Ann Landers still be writing? Trick question; Ann hasn't expressed an opinion, ridiculous or otherwise, in well over 30 years.] Are you having that female time of the month by chance? Sounds very childish! [And that female time of the month crack was the picture of maturity. What is the female time of the month, anyway? I didn't realize the month was divided into genders like Spanish nouns.] What next? Not buying from people because they are black? Or not of your religion? Just because people are different doesn't make them bad. [No, it's being annoying that makes them bad.] Use your brain mister IQ! I still love you but you should grow up so you don't have to avoid every business of whom you didn't like their ads for the rest of your life. '"

I guess "Super Dell" was right. It must have been the media's fault.

TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

Top 5

This post is dedicated to some of my favorite albums. They are not necessarily the top 5 albums ever, but they are albums you can listen to front to back and every song (or almost every song) is great. Feel free to agree or disagree, or to post your own in the comments section.

1. Radiohead - OK Computer. This might be my favorite album of all time. Simply amazing.
2. Radiohead - The Bends. This might be my 2nd favorite of all time. There was a 5 year period where Radiohead could do no wrong.
3. Sheryl Crow - Tuesday Night Music Club. This might seem like an unlikely choice, but have you listened to it? This was an amazing debut, and one that Crow hasn't been able to replicate.
4. Foo Fighters - There is Nothing Left to Lose. Probably my favorite Foo Fighters album, and probably my favorite album to run to (back when I did that kind of thing).
5.Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque. This album is full of great songs, and Teenage Fanclub has a unique sound that takes me back to 1995.
Honorable Mention: U2 - Achtung Baby, Grant Lee Buffalo - Mighty Joe Moon, Lucinda WIlliams - Essence, Lenny Kravetz - 5, and Peter Breinholt - Songs About the Great Divide. I'm sure I have left off many deserving albums, but you can't miss with any of these.

Help

In a little over a week, Lindsay and I are going to spend a couple of days in Washington D.C. for spring break. Because neither of us have been to D.C., I'm asking for some suggestions of things to see from those of you who have been there. We figured we would spend most of our time in the "mall" area, but feel free to comment if you think there are things we should absolutely see while we are there.

Happy Birthday!

As many of you know, yesterday was Lindsay's birthday. I got out of class at 2:30 and since it was her birthday, I decided to spend the rest of the day with Lindsay and Jay to celebrate her birthday. In all, it was a pretty fun day. I got up early and cooked her a breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage and I gave her one of her presents -- a denim jacket. I'm pretty proud of this one, because it was such a good deal. It was regularly $59.00, and I got it on sale for less than $6.00. She seemed to like it pretty good, and I think she was impressed with my "George Costanza" like ability to sniff out a good deal. This is a skill that I have developed over the past 18 months living as a poor student. I got home from school at about 3:30, and I gave Lindsay her birthday card and her other present. The other present was a lime green polo shirt with a pink collar. I thought it was kind of cute, especially with spring around the corner. For her birthday dinner she wanted to go to Taco Bell. I usually veto Taco Bell, but because it was her birthday I decided I could handle it. We took Jay with us and bought him a kids meal with a soft bean burrito. He seemed to like it pretty well, but not nearly as well as he liked the Sprite/water combination we gave him to drink. He was so cute, there was a guy sitting one table away from us, and Jay kept waving to the guy, trying to get his attention. We spent the rest of the night eating birthday cake and watching episodes of Lost. Oh yeah, I did the dishes too. Dishes and Taco Bell? No wonder Lindsay gets so excited for her birthday.

Joke of the day

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

“I have some shocking news,” the judge said. “I have been bribed by both the prosecution and the defense in this case…”

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “I received an envelope with $10,000 from the prosecution and an envelope with $15,000 from the defense.”

The judge pulls out his checkbook and writes a check. He tears it off and hands it to the defense attorney.

“In the name of justice, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”